BROKEN TREE

you said" i cant go on like this kani

because i am emotionally vulnerable with you

and i am not like this.."

so i let you go…

you let me go…

i did save you by tearing my heart apart..

i did save you by breaking my heart into pieces..

i did save you by killing my spirit..

my friend…

while i saved you i lost me.. :)

i do not know if you will ever know this..

i did love you more than my "self"

and you left me alone in this street…

i didn't know when we played hide and seek..

you wanted to hide forever..

you wanted to hide somewhere very far so i will never find you..

and as always.. you won the game..

like you won the cards…

like you won the table tennis..

like you won everywhere..

you won in this too…

you have hidden from me..

and i cant find you… :)

you know its funny…

though tears are rolling out from me…

i was calling your name and running into each corner ..

thinking that you are just fooling me for sometime..

and when time passes.. 

i know i am fooled..

:) you are very far...

i do not see you…

i cant…

but i still want to believe that…

you are behind one corner..

just smiling…

is it a game?

or you have really gone from me?

i cant help but cry out loud…

a girl who was sitting next room came to me and asked " are you ok"?

i smiled, but she saw me in agony!

dear friend...

i never ever ever thought…

you would leave me…

i do not know if you had any idea what you were to me…

you broke my last hope i had in life ..

do you know my dear…

how carefully i kept you inside me…

the wound you left on me..

i hope it will heal by time…

but every single day i am hurt more and more…

i wish a car hit me while i walk on the road…

i wish i fall from a cliff…

i wish i will never wake up from sleep..

what will you be doing now..?

just smiling…? and eating around..?

do you even remember me..?

do you have any idea the vacuum you left in me..?

you know what..?

you were there in my dream today also…

you did talk to me.. smiled at me..

i was going to hug you.. know what scares me the most..?

the next time when i see you.. i so want to see you… but im soo scared..

may be you wont even hug me, no?

like the first time i saw you..?

like you will do everything like a stranger?

i still remember when you started getting close to me..

we were cuddling all the time… 

i was scared then that i am going to loose you…

like any other time, 

and i did lost you..

yes i was talking about the dream…

you were talking to me like a stranger , but smiling….

and i asked about her ..that girl…

" how is she.."?

and you smiled… and she was there and came up and asked me.. what did he replied..

and then you told us.. " yes kani.. im in a relationship with her.."

i wish i wont wake up from sleep..

you have broken me all the way down…

why do i meet amazing men and fall for them..

and then they are not dare to be with me..

they are scared as always..

because they feel weak when they are with me..

they are very emotionally vulnerable when they are with me..

so they stop being with me..

this is what they say before they leave… as always..

and even you… well done!

how easy!

I am deeply hurt..

you have broken me all the way down..

i wish i wont wake up from sleep..